ON A LIGHTER NOTE 2

Some funny one-liners.

PS – Though some are more than one-lines.

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Interviewer- what’s  your biggest strength?

Me- quick thinking

Int-well that makes u an ass…

Me- What? you are an ass

Int-i was going to say asset

Me- oh. see, quick thinking

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Him-Doctor,I think I have Split personality disorder.

Doc- why do u think so?

Him- I am on both facebook & Twitter

Doc- Admit him!

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Me-Well it has a partition.On one side I keep my clothes.d other is for books.The handle is a bit  .. Interviewer- I said ‘talk about your ‘self’, not shelf!

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‘Man is born free but everywhere he is in chains’ – Rousseau ( hinting at the need for Wi-Fi)

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If you drive with a cold in America,can you get arrested for Driving Under Influenza?

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What is a woman football coach’s favourite formation?

Diamond

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A wife divorces her husband for not liking the movie ‘frozen’. Following the news,more married men have come out trashing the movie.

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I am so lazy that I would ask someone else to take my #selfie.

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Canadians are so polite that they would never say the word ‘loser’. They would probably say ‘You are such a runner-up’.

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Last time I checked my account balance,it showed a sad smiley face!

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Saying ‘I will never let you down’ works every time in interviews unless you are applying for the job of a lift operator.

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What is common with a wife and √ 2 ?

Both are irrational.

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God in his infinite wisdom created man and soon realised his wisdom wasn’t infinite.

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Twitter- The only place where mammals can be eggs.

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SHARAPOVA TRENDING

                                             SHARAPOVA TRENDING

When Maria Sharapova started trending on twitter, she would have thought they were all condolence messages for her shock defeat at the wimbledon . But it was not. Rather all the hullabaloo was regarding a simple ‘I don’t’ reply from her at her post-match press conference. The question was ‘Do you know who Sachin Tendulkar is?’. Though it was an honest reply from the 5 time grand slam champion, the ‘so-called’ sachin fans took offence.   They spammed her facebook page to an indescribable degree and trolling on twitter too followed suit. There is no question about the greatness of Sachin Tendulkar here. But the social media ‘mob’ didn’t care. For them she had committed an unpardonable offence. True lovers of sport wouldn’t mind these trivial matters. For them what happens on the field is what really counts. Be it the tennis court, football pitch or the cricket ground.  The self anointed guardians of Sachin who were trolling her social media pages does not fit in this category. They probably don’t even know about the ongoing wimbledon championships or for that matter would not have even seen Sharapova play. Their narrow mindedness and cyber bullying clearly stems from this lack of sporting acumen. This kind of reaction from my fellow country men clearly embarrasses me. Leading the charge against Sharapova was the people from my home state of  kerala. They did not think twice before posting derogatory comments on her FB page albeit in their mother tongue. Would Americans have reacted the same way if someone said they didn’t know Babe Ruth ? It is true that Cricket is a sort of religion in India and Sachin is accorded the status of a god. But that doesn’t justify this sort of response. That is just petty. Cricket is in no way a global sport and just because we revere a person there is no compulsion on the whole world to do so. There is no doubt that the great man Sachin himself will be the first to condone this kind of hooliganism.

Resolving Resolutions

It is my favourite time of the year. The festive season has football action coming thick and fast.It is also the time of the year when i start googling for best new year resolutions. Our new year resolutions are like politician’s election manifesto. They are ambitious,sounds legitimate and often non-executable. The spirit with which we jump into the new year’s resolution bandwagon starts dwindling the moment right after we make one. It is not about if we can keep our resolution. it’s about how long. Because eventually we all will falter. The longer you can prolong the inevitable, the better (or worse). So why do we keep making these false promises to ourselves?. There is something about the cool December wind or the Christmas spirit which lingers on even after christmas. Come new year we are all resolved to take a resolution. I think it’s the idea of a fresh start that compels us into making a fool of ourselves year after year. There are many who quits drinking and smoking every year. They feel so attached to that resolution that they make it every year. Now people have started taking resolutions to quit things like Facebook and Twitter. It’s good to know that people are realizing that the best way of socialising is out of the social networking sites. But it is not that easy. First they will post about their resolution to quit Social networking site on one such site. Then what about all the subsequent likes and comments and retweets and whatever jargon they have invented for ruining our time?. It is inherent human nature to give in to temptations. We feel a resurgent urge to do the taboo. When someone tells you not to touch something, we feel irresistible to do so. Here we are giving the forbidden fruit to ourselves. We tell ourselves to not do something and how seriously naive it is from our part. Isn’t this the same thing that happened with Adam. If God had told him to go ahead and eat the apple,he wouldn’t have taken another glimpse at it. But God forbid him and look what happened. Some might argue that the new year resolutions are always negative like i wouldn’t do this, I would quit that. We have an inherent penchant for positivity. It is this lacuna of human psychology that leads to the failure of most of our resolutions. So may be resolutions like “I will keep on drinking”, “I will pay taxes” will do the trick. The main reason for the failure of New Year resolutions is that we are not ready for it. It is forced on to us by ourselves. That is why we struggle,linger and finally succumb. It doesn’t require a New Year to make a fresh start. You can do it whenever you want. But you need to be convinced that you are fully ready for it. We are not resolute enough to keep our resolutions. So my resolution for this New Year is to not make any resolutions. But I being a feeble human being will make one and undoubtedly break that even before the first weekend of January 2014. Right now it’s time to get creative on the resolutions and i am switching to google.