Genie is online now

So I got this scratch card as a reward for making some online payments. You just had to drag your cursor across the scratch card and it even made a scratching noise to make it sound like the real thing. I was half expecting a ‘better luck next time’ or maybe a 10% off on my next purchase of above Rs. 1000. But as I finished scratching, a genie popped out, a virtual one, the meta genie.

In the Driver’s Seat

                                                                          

Driving instructors in Kerala are always called ‘Ashan’. Most of us don’t know their real name as we make do with the collective noun.

Keep your hands at 10-2. Never take your eyes off the road. – All Ashans drive home these two cardinal rules to their students. But once we graduate and start driving on our own, we realise there is more to it.

Gods are listening

The gods were wondering, they have been for quite a while now. They suspect that their popularity is on a downward trajectory. They felt they needed a big marketing push to get a popularity surge in the next quarter. The core committee of gods decided to take up this agenda since it was not possible for all the gods to meet on such short notice. They will all get the minutes of the core committee meeting if it took any important decisions that they needed to be aware of.

God #24 briefed the meeting on why they have been convened.

People are not getting what they want and they are moving on- said God #13.

They are asking Alexa and Siri for things now- said the technologically updated God #101. The comment was met with quizzical looks from the other gods who glanced quickly over the pantheon list to see who these new gods were.

How about those self-styled god men? Are they encroaching into our territory?- the discussions were getting active. They decided to put a pin on that as not enough market data was available. They will be keeping an eye on those god men for sure.

We need a faithful demographic. The old are no longer our most reliable proponents. They have started finding new avenues to keep themselves entertained- God #42 chipped in.

That seemed like a valid observation to the congregation.

Maybe we should modify our algorithm to lure more kids in. As they say, catch them young. -God #101.

They liked the idea and now that they have decided on a target demographic the next question was how to be more appealing to them.

Again God #42 had the answer.

Remember we used to get a lot of requests from kids in the old days. When they forgot to do homework or they had a test they prayed that the teacher didn’t show up. Those requests used to go to our spam folder. May be we should start entertaining those and make these gullible youngsters our fans for life.

Since no one else had anything better to suggest they decided to go with that and labelled the meeting as a success.

They started listening in on the kids’ prayers and most of them except for the technologically gifted God #101 were a bit dumbfounded by the new requests. The kids were praying for their teachers to have a tardy internet connection or their data plans to expire on the day of the classes. A sign of the changed times.

The gods are convening again next week to see what to make of these new requests.

***

Not a Cakewalk(athon)

It is an unwritten rule that every middle class Malayali should have a brief stint working in the Gulf. So this happened when I was obliging this rule. I was the Events Coordinator of a medical group. One of the marquee events for us was the Diabetes Awareness Walkathon in November. The trick was to do the same thing every year but give the impression that we were doing something totally different. Free T-shirts giveaway was the lure to get people walk in. People didn’t mind walking for a bit on a lazy Friday evening if they got a T-shirt to commemorate their efforts. Plus they also got a certificate to show for it. This time we were meticulous with the planning as the T-shirt disbursements usually got out of hand. We got the participants’ shirt size and packed them size-wise and organisation-wise. There was a separate haul for spot registration as well.  We had a feeling we got this under control.

Now for  making this event stand apart from its predecessors, we were brainstorming ideas. I was checking up on the Premier League fixtures for the weekend when someone asked me. I came up with the only idea that I was capable of at that moment- A ‘Kick the Diabetes’ campaign. We would ask one of the Chief Guests to kick an embellished football, the football in blue symbolising Diabetes. The idea was given the whistle to go.  

So the D-day arrived. There were a million things to do at the last moment. The things for the event were sent out in different vehicles to the park where the walkathon was happening. One hour before the inauguration we started distributing the T-shirts. It was a frenzy. All our planning went out the window. People began swarming us like zombies. Those who got the shirts came back after trying them on and asked us to replace it. At one point I even thought it wouldn’t be beyond them to take my shirt off if it was the right size. In that din, I lost track of time and the inauguration ceremony had already started. Through the crowd of T-shirt hopefuls I squeezed my way to the site of action.

‘Now it’s time for the Kick the Diabetes campaign.’ The announcement came as a jolt to me. I asked the voice in my head quoting Murphy’s Law to shut up. The football was nowhere to be seen and the guest was ready to kick diabetes out of his sight. I started looking for the football and the person I sent it with. I could find neither. In that moment of desperation I could do with even a Ping-Pong ball. Then I saw the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen, a guy sitting alone with a football, that too a blue one. I pleaded with him and assured that he would get it back ASAP. The ceremony went on as planned. I stuck around to get the ball. Then out of the blue, our Medical Director discovered his love for the game and started fumbling with the ball. Maybe a montage of what would have been if he followed an alternate career flashed before him. Anyway, he woke up the dormant Messi in him and after dribbling for a bit he caught a crisp volley. To be fair he made good contact but the ball made an even better contact when it landed on the face of the wife of a peace loving country’s diplomat. The complexion of the evening and the lady’s face changed. Strangely my first thought was whether they would confiscate the football. Luckily for her she was surrounded by doctors albeit with poor locational awareness. She was deemed to be fine and the Walkathon commenced. I got the ball and returned it to the kind stranger. I wished I had a T-shirt to give him.

When we reached the finishing point, the football that was supposed to be at the starting point was there, alone and waiting to be kicked about. I took the ball and dawdled home.   

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Sharing is caring

With the aura of a learned man he said, ‘Money is a burden- the root of all unhappiness’

My interest was piqued

Then he asked me to share my OTP

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